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Empty Grief

 

I forgot to call upon Your name.
I couldn’t see out of this bottomless pit.
My grief felt empty. I felt alone.
Blind. Numb. Empty.

I couldn’t see out of this bottomless pit.
Missing you more than I ever thought possible.
Blind. Numb. Empty.
Wishing I had spent those times with you when I said no.

Missing you more than I ever thought possible.
Wondering if you knew how much I loved you.
Wishing I had spent those times with you when I said no.
I isolated my grief.

Wondering if you knew how much I loved you.
I had cried so much my body was shaking on empty.
I isolated my grief.
I no longer wanted to hear their condolences.

I had cried so much my body was shaking on empty.
My grief felt empty. I felt alone.
I couldn’t see out of this bottomless pit.
I forgot to call upon Your name.

Whispers While Washing Dishes

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whispers

(This post also appears on gloryannaboge.com.)

My hands plunge deep. Gurgling foamy water covers me. This is the story of my life.
Emotions wrought and drain away as the water empties from the sink.
Why can’t I hear You above all the noise?

I lose focus.
The world yanks at me. Pulling for every open opportunity. My time slips away. So fragile.
I forget who I am. I forget who You are.
Clanking floats from the other room. I wipe my eyes. I’m drawn back.
Leaning to peek around the corner I see his sweet face.
This is the story of my life.

Most of us feel like we’ve lost. Like something is missing.
Gone are the days of serving myself. Days of walking this life for me.
Giggles from the other room. I’m drawn back.
When once I thought I was close to the Creator, running the race for Him,
I now see all things new.
Selfishness slithered through my veins then.
“What about me? What about me?”
Ranking repetitions.

His new life brought new blood.
Blood that came hemorrhaging out when he was born.
Blood that made me new. A mother.
This is the story of my life.

Selfishness replaced. I would never go back.
The Creator never left. His blood has made me clean.
Freedom in this new life. New eyes. I see joy like I’ve never seen before.
He’s sitting on my floor, drooling and rolling. Playing. Content. As am I.
This is the story of my life.

(This post also appears on gloryannaboge.com.)

WhispersWhileWashingDishes

I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom and I wear leggings every day

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SAHMLeggins

(This post also appears on gloryannaboge.com.)

Wahh. Wahh. No time to pee. No time to eat. Must. Get. Up. Must. Feed. Asher. Good morning.

The sweetest face. Ever. Big smile. Raspberry kisses. Crusty hand from sucking all night.
Hmm. Crusty mattress. Spit up?

My night gown is damp. Yep. Thought so. Leaked some milk. What am I doing? You’re hungry. Right.

Huh? I don’t know where your pants are. I’m feeding the baby. Wear your work pants from yesterday. Yes, I’ll be doing laundry today. You’ll have clean clothes for work tomorrow. Bye, love you too.

Don’t bite Momma. I know. Two new teeth. Burp. Spit up on night gown. Switch sides. Repeat. Burp.
Big smile. Raspberry kisses. The sweetest face.

What is that smell? Yummy. The stinkiest diaper in the West. You’re pretty good at grabbing those toes. Pretty good at missing those toes and grabbing your poop. No, not in your mouth. Sure, why not, wipe it on mom’s arm. Better yet, my night gown. Big smile. Raspberry kisses. The sweetest face.

I’m the fastest changer in the west. My clothes included. Why? Easy. I wear leggings every day. Black. Matches everything. Cheap. Thank you, Wal-Mart. There’s lots of stains hiding under there. Spit up with prunes mixed in. The boy loves prunes.

There’s lots of love hiding under there. Tear stains from a teething baby. Slobber stains from a teething baby. Sweat from, well, everything. I’m hot all the all time. Can I get an amen? Running up and down the stairs to check on baby. Running to the mailbox and back to check on baby. Running across the room to stop baby. Running across the room to tickle baby. Big smile. Raspberry kisses. The sweetest face.

No time to worry about my wardrobe. No time to worry about tomorrow. Shoot. I wore my dirty leggings from yesterday. Smell test. They can go another day.

Wahh. Wahh. No time to worry. Love this. Staying home with my baby. What an opportunity. A Blessing. Big smile. Raspberry kisses. The sweetest face.

THIS POST ALSO HAS APPEARED ON www.mamalode.com & gloryannaboge.com

SAHMLEGGINGS