Is it OK to love on my husband when I don’t feel like it?


Spices are in the air. The heat from the oven overwhelms me as I take out the rolls for dinner. Clanking from the corner as Asher decides a spoon is the best for banging against his plate. Dogs are licking up flying food. Steam from the stove top as my potatoes bubble, telling me they’re done. It’s just occurred to me that I haven’t pee’d since this morning. Now we’re crying from the corner because apparently we didn’t want the dog to lick the food off of his actual plate. Fan is running high trying to keep things cool in the house while it’s 100 degrees outside. If only I had just used the grill this time. The buzzer goes off on the dryer reminding me my huband’s work clothes are done. My husband who will be late for dinner tonight.

I step in some food the dogs missed. I am going to have to mop tonight after Asher goes to bed. Might as well finish cleaning the kitchen while I’m at it. What little time to myself I thought I might have this evening has gone out the window. All the while my husband probably wont be home for another hour or so and his dinner plate will be waiting for him in the microwave. Anger flares. I feel like I do it all and he seems to miss this somehow. I don’t even bother to think what kind of day he has had that has caused him to come home late.

The nights Mike doesn’t have to work late are the best. You know those images of moms handing off their littles to the hubs as he walks in the door? We basically have that down pat in our house. Sometimes I can’t imagine doing this with more than one kid. I fall down at your feet mamas who are reading this with more than one! And working mamas? Holy cow. Let me just pause and say you are freaking awesome.

Digression aside, when the days are long and the evenings are short, I tend to operate out of my emotions easily. So I want to eat that ice cream? OK. I’m gonna do that. So I just want to read for an hour and fall asleep while I’m at, forgetting to brush my teeth? Yep, I’ll do that on occasion.

The problem is that when I get into these funks, my marriage suffers. My relationship with Christ tends to suffer too. I spend less time praying or reading and more time focusing on everything I “need” to do or choose my “selfish” time instead. And I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty good at talking myself out of things I don’t feel like doing. Especially, for my husband.  I mean, it would be hypocritical of me to show him love by massaging his feet when I absolutely don’t FEEL like doing that. I don’t feel like loving on my husband. I don’t remember him loving on me anytime recently. Why should I do him a favor? LOOK at my day people. My everyday. Who has time for marriage when you are starting a family?

What a silly question. My marriage IS the bedrock of our family. What we do for each other day in and day out in turn serves our family. I think of how easily I get snippy with Mike in front of our son and he can’t repeat what I say yet thank goodness! I think of the moments I throw respect out the window. I think of how easily I let satan envelope me with my selfishness which is the opposite of God’s love. The supernatural love I have flowing through me to minister to others. The love I choose daily. Well, try to anyways. But sometimes, OK lots of times, I suck majorly at this.


I am reminded of Glennon’s words from Carry On, Warrior who says love isn’t something we feel. It’s something we do. 

All those times when I don’t feel like loving on my husband, well, those are the times I should anyways. The feelings will come eventually. Those are the times my marriage needs me to act on love the most. Because if I don’t, then all those shouldas wouldas will become dust, and my marriage will waiver with the wind.

Our foundation will settle and our home will start to suffer.

I think I forget that we’re a team. That’s it’s me and my husband against the wiles of the devil. I get so me-focused that I forget we’re together on this. I take care of him. He takes care of me. And when my selfish self feels like he isn’t holding up his “end of the deal” then those are the moments to love on him the most. Not for his sake. For mine. I need to love on him when I feel my love bank going empty because that is when God works in my heart the most. That is when I can hear His voice the best. When I am utterly leaning in to Him, trusting Him with my marriage.

I need to love on my husband even when I don’t feel like it because God’s Word calls me to. I am to love even when I don’t feel like because God loves me. He first loved me so I could love others (1 John 4:19). Feelings have nothing to do with it.

Thinking about myself all the time brings deafness to my ears.

So the next time my potatoes are about to boil over and I realize that my evening is shot and my husband better not even ask for help with anything or to be loved on, well, those are the moments when I will cry out to my Father to give me ears to hear and eyes to see. To see my husband as He does.

Do you hear me friends? What about you? Do you let your feelings get in the way of truth?

Some Related Posts About Marriage:
I Am Not My Husband’s Holy Spirit
Marriage Is Hard
Marriage: Laughter Instead of Anger


My name is Gloryanna and I'm a stay-at-home momma, former teacher, turned blogger. I love hearing stories and sharing stories, especially when they are encouraging. This is a blog about stories and experiences that encourage us in our relationship with Christ and others, no matter what season of life we're going through. Hopefully, you will take away a positive nugget by visiting this blog and maybe laugh a little along the way.
  • This is good! I’m not married yet, so the idea of this being an issue is a little far off, but I know it can be a struggle for many couples! When life is crazy, giving affection can be hard. It’s so important, though!

  • Yes, I think every mom relates! I wish I didn’t feel this way sometimes but I think these gentle reminders of perspective are so helpful. I’ve got 3 kids, and I think I’ve trained my mind to not fall into the selfish trap as often over the years

  • Wow can I relate to this. Sometimes I think, in hindsight, my poor husband. I can be a major biatch whe you bucket is running low. I do find though, if I make a point to be kind, loving and giving, he reciprocates. I just need to get better at it when I’m feeling run down. Thanks for the reminder and the beautiful way you put it

  • Yes. It’s so so hard at this stage to not check out in the evenings and to do the normal everyday things that make everyone’s lives so much better, including my own! I can relate to this so much!!

  • Marisa Ulrich

    Very relatable. Been there many many times. Bless you and thank you for being open here.

  • Aimee

    This is something I am really working on right now. I know what you mean to lose your evening and give in to selfishness. My husband usually isn’t home from work until nine, and by the time he arrives, I am physically and emotionally drained. I can be snappy and, worst of all, pour all of my daily frustrations that I’ve held inside onto him the minute he walks through the front door. I am quick to forget that he has just returned from a 13 hour day where he works tirelessly to give me this gift of staying at home and teaching our children. Now, no matter how exhausted I might be, I am working on treating him with respect and gratitude. Love this piece, friend! Thank you for giving me some deep food for thought.

  • Such an important post. Choosing not to follow our feelings and do what’s right even when we don’t necessarily want to is the foundation of love. Too many people think that they must not be in love anymore because they don’t feel like it but love is a choice. And the more we choose to ignore our flesh and listen to the Holy Spirit, the happier our marriage is. A great reminder, Gloryanna!